I don’t love Breastfeeding

But I do it because I love my son and I would do anything for him. I knew before he was born I wanted to breastfeed and I did everything I could to set myself up for success. I read books, took a birth class that also taught about breastfeeding, and gave away or threw out any formula samples I was given.

Soon after he was born Mark latched right on but by the next day things weren’t quite right. I was in pain and he wasn’t happy. He wasn’t latching well and my milk wasn’t coming in. With some help from a lactation consultant I was able to help him latch better. He wasn’t opening his mouth all the way, and they taught me how to help him do that. He nursed round the clock, and I got blisters and cracks. I was miserable. I got though it and on the 4th day my milk finally came in. Mark had lost more weight then normal so we had to go to the doctor to make sure he was gaining and he was!

I cried though many a nursing session, but I had two big goals I wanted to meet, 6 months and 12 months. I’ve hit 6 months and I’m proud. It’s been a lot of work. I’m always hungry and thirsty, its hard to go places and I’m up half the night with a baby on my boob, but I did it and I’m happy.

Around 6 months old Mark got sick. Soon after that nursing got hard again. It hurt BAD. I was very very close to calling it quits, it was agonizing. Turns out we probably had thrush. We did a home remdy (under doctor supervision) of vinegar for me, and baking soda for baby. Worked like a charm. I’m so glad I went to the doctor looking for help.

I’m not one of those people that is in love with nursing. There are moments, great moments where I connect with my little boy, but for the most part its pretty much just practical. It nourishes him, heals him, comforts him. Why wouldn’t I do it? At the same time I’m glad we started solids so hopefully soon he will nurse less often (not yet). I don’t love breastfeeding, I love my son and because of that I will keep plugging along.


One response to “I don’t love Breastfeeding

  1. Thank you for this honest post and for sharing the love and commitment you have for your son.

    I’m approaching my fifth year of breastfeeding, with three nurslings. Like you, I have not always enjoyed it, but know it is so worth it that I would never quit because I was challenged. The times that I do adore breastfeeding fill me and sustain me through it all.

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