School Daze

Why do kids grow up thinking school is this amazing wonderful perfect place? I’ve noticed this in my nephew  He’s 3.5 and thinks school is the greatest idea ever (right next to the cow that gives you ice cream), that is until he really thinks about it…

First he starts with “School is so fun, I can learn and play with friends!” Then I ask, “But what if you want to learn about dinosaurs and its time to learn math?” And he gets a puzzled look… I say, “At school you have to do what the teacher says.” He says, “What if I’m hungry?” And I tell him, “Then you have to wait till the teacher says you can eat.” He looks upset and thinks for a while.

Long before they are old enough for school the media is already indoctrinating kids to how great school is. Its like the magic school bus! Everyone is happy and you always learn interesting things, all your needs are met, and no one is mean (except maybe long enough to learn not to be mean)! But its not like that… Or this wonderful picture below…. Its not like that at all.

The “Perfect” teacher, clean and smiling.

 

As he thinks a little more my young nephew say, “But if I’m gone all day I’ll miss my Mama! And I like to play, I don’t want to sit.” And I respond, “That’s why some kids don’t go to school, then they can do what they want during the day! They can eat when they are hungry and see their Mom’s all day! They can learn about whatever they want!” Then I go on to tell him we are going to meet some kids who do exactly that tomorrow and he gets excited. I ask “Would you like to meet some new friends who don’t go to school?” “I would like that.” he responds.

School isn’t what the media portrays it to be (when they decide to portray in a perfect unfailing light). Its a place of confinement, breaking up families more than building them. It puts labels on children (Gifted, Mainstream, Special Ed) and keeps them categorized the rest of their lives. Kids must do what they are told, they must study for the test, not for the love of study. No learning about dinosaurs till we get to the dinosaur unit young man.

The schools aren’t flawed, they are doing exactly what the are designed to do; create consumers. I could go deep into the German history of our compulsory education, but I’ll keep it short by saying that the schoolers were designed so that only the elite could really succeed. They are designed to keep the masses the masses. The schools keep the “average joe” (95% of the population) from becoming above average. They create factory workers (now mostly office workers), people who will consume and who won’t ask too many real questions. People with unwavering loyalty to the elite that controls them, employees them, and sits back and makes millions selling products to them. There are very few schools (and certainly no public schools) that truly allow children to live and learn. That’s why I’m choosing to say no to the system, I’m keeping my son (and my sister is keeping my nephew) out of school.

For more information on the history and real purpose of our school system read “Weapons of Mass Instruction” by John Taylor Gatto, and Long time public school teacher and even “Teacher of the Year” for New York he reveals what most people choose not to see that the schools we grew up in did us a disservice, and continue to hurt our children more than help them.

Working Towards a New Lifestyle

Since moving we kind have been floundering in our everyday life. With no job, school, or even scheduled hobbies to structure our life things have been…. laid back… to say the least. Its been nice though just spending time with each other and exploring our new city and neighborhood. I’ve learned the Public Transit, been to the zoo, countless food carts, finally figured out a grocery shopping routine, even had issues (now resolved) with the neighbor. We’ve had visitors for the first time now and that really marks the end of our time of settling and now its time to get into gear.

There are several changes that seem to be happening quite naturally. The first is that our baby is no longer a baby, and we are starting to treat him a little different because of that. Its nothing we really planned its just happening naturally. Mark is wanting and we are allowing him to have more time by himself. Often he wants to just play with his cars or his trains, sometimes he ‘reads’, or draws or just wanders around our front yard. I check in on him from time to time, and remind him to use the bathroom, but more and more he’s just doing his own thing for periods of time. We are also letting him fuss more and are not catering to his every want, or just making him wait a minute. We don’t make him wait just for the sake of waiting (we do love him, and that’s not cool to do to anyone you love) but we let him realize that we also have needs and wants and that he needs to learn to respect all people (and their things). This in itself could be a whole blog post, but lets just say Mark is moving from baby, to child.

We also seem to be moving away from screen time. Part of it is the great climate and culture here, we just want to be outside or other places, not sitting around in the house. Part of it is that we are all trying to read more. You don’t have much time for the TV or computer when you are trying to read every extra minute of the day. Whatever the reasons, moving away from screen time is a good thing. My migraines have totally stopped since I lost my phone a week ago and stopped staring at the tiny screen and my son isn’t constantly asking for TV. Its nice. Right now he’s sitting on the couch “Reading” a book of poetry.

Another change we would like to implement (we haven’t succeeded yet) is eating at home more. We said that when we moved to Portland we were going to “get in shape” and “be healthy”. Well, with all the delicious, not great for you food out here, that hasn’t happened. Ace stopped losing weight and I started gaining weight. There are tons of healthy options to eat out with here, but the BBQ, noodles, and sushi, are often too tempting. I love a good pulled pork sandwich or a slab of ribs covered in sauce with a big piece of cornbread, but its not exactly the lunch of champions… So we are trying to get better. This week I planned to eat all our breakfasts at home and planned out 3 lunches and 3 dinners. We have food for a little more than that, but I know I will be cooking 3 dinners at home this week. That will be the best since we moved (yeah.. there have been a lot of pizzas and burritos the last few weeks). Hopefully we can save a few dollars this was too, but the quality of the food I’m buying makes eating at home just as expensive most of the time.

We are also becoming more relaxed. That’s just how things are around here. The neighbor across the street runs a garage out of his…well, garage… and he works at his own pace. It was a little annoying how long it took him to look at my car, but I learned a bit about how Oregonians work and live and became a little envious of him. He said “I work on farmer time, but I’ll only ever change you book time, probably less” (in fact he did my car for free that day). Somedays he takes all day to get one car done, other days he’ll push though four in a few hours, but most days are the former. Its importnat to note that its culturally acceptable to drink beer or smoke pot pretty much anywhere at anytime, so that certainly helps people to relax. Our mechanic neighbor has offered me beer as early as 10am. This isn’t to say there aren’t busy people, but here in SE Portland they are sparse, and I like it.   I’m learning from the neighbors how to relax and not always be in a hurry, this is causing us all a lot less stress. Somedays we just sit around in the front yard. I’m take the bus places, which means walking (sometimes 6 blocks to the 19 route), waiting (up to 20 minutes), then riding (up to an hour), all opposed to a 20 minute car drive. Making life slow down a bit. But when you have time to spare its not a big deal. You meet interesting people and expose yourself (and your child) to new experiences. Our pace of life is just slowing down and I like it, a lot.

The last part the puzzle that needs to fall into place is making money, and becoming more self sufficient  I’ve already started by trying to do my own minor repairs and installations around the house. Some I’ve succeeded in, (refurbishing a table, installing curtains), some not so much (like that shelf for the bathroom that is now in the closet). I never leaned how to use drywall mounts or fix a toilet or make compost as a kid, but thats not going to stop me. With books and the internet I can do almost anything. Once I can buy a saw I’ll really be set. Its looking like Ace is going to get an awesome part time job teaching guitar and piano, between that and renter income we should be set. If I can make a few bucks here and there building or fixing something and then selling it, even better.  I’m considering trying to build basic skate ramps and selling them. In our neighborhood alone, I know that would be a hit.

Our lifestyle is changing a lot, but its for the better and I really like it. I’m hoping along with these changes means more writing and regular blog posts too, so keep checking back.

The Learning has no Beginning and no End

Everyday I observe my 23 month old son learn, and boy does that boy learn. He is more spongy than he’s ever been, sometimes saying a dozen new words a day. Today he learned a lovely one, “Suck” luckily he can’t say “S” quite right and it comes out “Luck” so only I (and Dad) know what he’s actually saying. Though he is getting that “S” sound better everyday so I’m sure soon he will be saying that and other not so great words (that he may have picked up from me) in a perfectly understandable manner.

I’m also learning a lot. I’m learning that I still have a lot to learn. I’m learning how to fit reading into my day of child-rearing. I’m taking that time to read about learning. Children and how they learn has always been of interest to me. I starten baby-sitting at a young age and have always loved kids and been involved with them. Being a mom is the ultimate fulfillment of that, and wanting to be a good mom I knew (many months ago) I would need to research schools and teaching methods pretty diligently to make sure my son got the best education he could. At first I thought “Anything but public school” then that morphed into “Anything but traditional schools” this then morphed into thinking Waldorf was the answer, while I still think its a step above public school, its still traditional in many aspects. Namely, the kids have no major say in the curriculum. If they want to read early (depending on which school they are at) it may be discouraged, or simply they aren’t helped along since that’s what the class is doing right now. Even though they are more relaxed in the younger years than a normal school, it is still scheduled: Now its play time, now its snack time, now its time for art, music, language, etc…  After I decided I didn’t much care for Waldorf I read up on Montessori.

I liked Montessori much more and still do. There is a curriculum, but besides a short lesson each day the kids are free to work at their own pace on whatever subject they chose (or don’t choose) so long as they aren’t disturbing other kids. Much of the curriculum is working though understanding each of the materials. They are not allowed to use ones ahead of where they are, but will always have several options across the subjects available to them. EG, they can’t use the brown stairs until they master the pink tower, but if they don’t want to work on the pink tower they can go work on their available language  or practical life activities activities. There are always lots of options, and most schools allow kids to choose not to work or to free read as well.

Ace has always talked about homeschooling, but I often dismissed it thinking it would be nice, but that I couldn’t do it. Why I dismissed myself when I taught years of mixed age children in our church I have no idea, thats much more difficult than one child. I always told him I’d see what our child was like and decide from there. Well I’ve noticed this, my son is bright, curious, and will seek out knowledge with no pushing from anyone. He is naturally curious and is learning a lot of things with only basic work from me. Things such as, providing him books and reading them when asked, aswering questions as best I can or looking up the answers, finding videos and turning them on, taking him to lots of different places when we are able.

Before we moved I listened to a lot of Unpluggedmom.com and it really challenged me to re-think my responsibility as a parent. It also challenged my thought that private schools were significantly better than public. I decided to look into it some more and read “Teach Your Own” by John Holt and that is what convinced me that I can and should homeschool. Homeschooling and specifically unschooling makes sense for me for many reasons, more than I can talk about here. But I’m going to tell you the first and most practical one and that is that learning has no beginning and no end.

Years ago Rob Bell challenged the idea that we have a “Spiritual Life”.  He argues that there is no way to separate our spiritual life from the rest of our lives and that is how the hebrew people lived (and still do). Many unschooling advocates  point out that separating ”learning or “Education” from the rest of our lives can be very damaging, especially when children are forced to “learn” (rather memorize long enough to keep the teacher happy) something they don’t want to. They quickly learn that “learning” is something that is boring and not fun, a necessary evil, or a means to an end and often separate ”learning” (something done in school and in homework) from the rest of life;  having fun, doing stuff, making things, etc…. When you are told what to do 8 hours a day (then told to do MORE of it at home) 9 months a year for what seems like your whole life,  you often learn to dislike school. There are high points to school for most kids for sure, for me it was band. I lived for band (and for skating after school) and I trudged though the day so I could do well enough to get to what I really wanted to do, play trumpet and go skate.

After reading and a lot of reflecting on what the school system is really like and what its true purpose is (to create obedient workers and soldiers, just skilled enough to be able to work the machines, but not smart enough to really think for them selves and to mess up the system for the elite) I realized that my only real choice to let my son realize his own potential is to home school. Right now at home he generally pursues what ever interest his little heart desires. Today he colored pictures of food, animals, and farm equipment at the farmers market. Unfortunately we had to stop him before he wanted to stop (in general I try not to do that) so we could get some lunch (or breakfast, or brunch… whatever). When we got home he needed a bath (after a big poop accident) and he played in the tub for a long time. Then he picked out his (hilariously mis-matched) clothes and a book to read before taking a nap. When he woke up we went out to eat where, as much as possible, he chose his own food. When we got home he rode his bike for a long time, and played with his tucks making a parking lot in the driveway, then he and the neighbor kid and I moved heavy chairs to the back yard. The boys learned how to use a skateboard as a tool to help move the chairs and moved the last two with out me. Later he rode his train while looking at a book about trains, then he got out coloring supplies and colored (on his own). As Mark gets older he naturally is exploring things developmentally appropriate and I just don’t see a good reason to hand over the majority of his waking hours to a stranger in the name of “education” at whatever age the state dictates.

In short the way he learns won’t radically change at any given age so the way he is taught shouldn’t either. Homeschooling is the perfect extension of attachment parenting, libertarian/anarchist politics, and living in community, all things that our family highly values. For us homeschooling makes just makes perfect sense.

On the Road

Here I am sitting in our kind of gross hotel in Draper, Utah. A suburb of Salt Lake City (I think…). All I know is that this almost tops the list of places I like the least of anywhere we visited (but beating LA is gonna be hard for any city). Its a weird climate that I don’t like much. I’m pretty sure this is still considered “Semi-arid” like most of the places we’ve been recently (Nebraska, Wyoming), but whatever it is I don’t like it. Its weird feeling, and too high up… and well just a strange place where every family is gigantic and has strange values. Where instead of having left turns they make you turn right, then have a U-turn lane. 0.o Its hot, and kind of dry, and kind of mountainy, but not that much. I’d take Vegas over this any day. Can’t wait to leave and head to Portland, but my planning wasn’t the greatest so tomorrow we have over 12 hours of drive time. We hope to leave by 7am Mountain time.

The trip is actually going EASIER than I expected. So easy I’ve driven the whole thing! The drive has been more scenic than I expected and the dogs have been very well behaved. They have been in the car over 8 hours a day for 3 days and in small hotel rooms at night (sometimes split up between two rooms). They are doing well with being walked and have gotten to run around off leash twice, once Toby ran off chasing a bird, but besides that they have been well behaved. Mark is handling the car well, so well we didn’t even use the DVD player at all the first day. The only downside is that the car puts him to sleep so he’s napping 2-3 times a day then staying up late when we all need to sleep.

I’ve learned a few things on this trip. Here are a few random ones: Don’t waste space in your suitcase for kids PJ’s because they won’t want to put them on anyway. Snacks, you can’t have too many snacks. Hotel ice buckets make good dog water bowls in a pinch! Cabalas is a great place to stop on the road, especially with dogs. They have outdoor dog kennels and water available. And they have walking paths and some even have enough outdoor area for a game of catch with your pup! We had all 5 running around at one! They also sell dogs supplies if you need any! 

One more day and we will be at our NEW HOUSE. 

Getting Ready for “3 Day Potty Training”

You can read my previous posts regarding potty training HERE and HERE. 

We are going to try our own little version of the ever popular “3 Day Potty Training” program. It fits with my values, and Mark is very much ready for a big push in potty training so that we can get to the point or being diaper free. You can read the basics of the program over HERE.

There are lots of variations on this program, but we are keeping it pretty simple. Mark will be home and naked from the waist down wed-fri. Wednesday we aren’t going anywhere and at least one of us will be watching him closely all day. We will be taking regular trips to the bathroom and encouraging him to use his little potty, as well and bringing him there immediately after any “misses”. Every time he uses the potty we give a little cheer say “Yay! Pee pee in the potty!” or something to that extent, then help him to flush it down the toilet (that is usually his favorite part).

Anytime he pees anywhere other than the potty we say “Look, your going pee pee!” Then rush him to the bathroom to attempt to finish on the potty. If he gets ANYTHING in potty at all its a win and we do our little cheer and flush routine. If he doesn’t do anything in the potty we get a rag and go clean up the mess, very calmly. Mark is already getting this concept and tried to clean up a mess 2 days ago by himself. He is such a sweetie.

Thursday we will be staying home, except for one short trip out in pants or shorts, but no diaper or underwear. We will probably take a walk in the neighborhood.

Friday we will take a short trip out in the morning a short trip in the afternoon.

A big part of this program is NO MORE DIAPERS. If its going to work you need to be prepared for a few accidents along the way. Once they get a diaper back they realize they can use it to pee in and it backtracks the whole program. Some people also reccomend no underwear or anything tight for several months after you start as well, only lose pants. We will see how things go and play that by year. I will probably end up using our great Hanna Anderson training pants when going out just so we dont have a REALLY messy incident. Diaper Free Before 3 has no issues with training pants and even recommends them (given they are cotton).

Hanna Anderson training pants. The are padded briefs that can soak up a decent amount of urine in the case of an accident.

Besides training pants there are a few things we have bought to help out in this process. We own 2 Baby Bjorn potties with the back support. This type of potty is highly recommended in the book ‘Diaper Free Before Three’. We own one other small potty for the car, that will probably come in the house for our 3 day training program.

A great potty for toddlers.

We also bought a waterproof pad for the carseat as I expect that to be the place we have the most accidents. We got the sunsine kids one. It doesn’t fit perfect in our True Fit Car seat, but it will do the job for a few weeks (hopefully that’s all we need it)!

Dry Seat Pad, designed for a Raidian, but will work in any carseat or stroller.

I’m going to do a big shopping trip monday or tuesday so I have no need to go to the grocery store over the three days, and thats about it! We are still doing our normal at home diaper free time leading up to this. Instead of traditional 3 day potty training going from almost nothing to everything, I’m looking at this as a big final push towards full potty training. We are almost there, and I really hope to be 100% diaper free (during the day) by the end of the summer. I have no idea how to approach nights, so we will cross that bridge when we get there!

Mutt Monday: Josie!

I’m starting a series of blogs about each of my dogs. Each monday I’ll do a little post on one of my pups for “Mutt Mondays!” I’m very excited to share more about my family with you. I’m going to start with our first dog, Josie.

Josie

Josie was supposed to be a surprise. We were newly married with 2 cats and Ace wanted a puppy, BAD. He said he’d never lived in a house without a dog. I decided to secretly look around. He insisted he would have a dog named “Josiah” I hated that name, at least for a dog. After some prying I discovered that the name “Josie” would be acceptable for a female, and we both wanted a corgi. Then, fate happened. I popped in “corgi” and “young” to pet finder and this adorable chihuahua/corgi named “Josie” popped up! It was too good to be true, but I went and visited here and she chose me right away.

I got her for Ace on Valentines day. We had no idea that really she had picked me.

The day after we got her.

She was so happy. After being brought to a shelter for “Behavior Issues” and then transferred to a no kill shelter she finally ended up with us and she was over the moon. So were we. I had no idea I wanted a dog so bad, but I LOVED her. After a little trained she turned out to be one of the most well-balenced dogs I’ve ever met. Her and I are very close and even though she was meant for Ace she is my little girl!

Two days after she came home.

Josie is confident, loyal, loving, sweet, and gentle. She became the cornerstone for our ever growing dog pack and she is still my little shadow, even sitting with me as I write this. The joy she’s brought into our lives has been more than I ever could have imagined and she helped me realize that I totally am a “Dog person.” Since getting Josie we’ve saved 5 more dogs. I’ve worked at a doggie day care and volunteered at shelters. We’ve done obedience classes and agility classes. And Josie is AWESOME at agility.

Josie hanging out at agility class.

The scariest part of Josie’s life was the day we almost lost her. It was April 2009 and I was gearing up to go to an income tax protest and even had a special bandana picked out for Josie! I went to get her to leave and she wouldn’t come out of her crate. She threw up and the collapsed. She couldn’t stand. I freaked out. I threw her in the back of my car and rushed to the vet calling them on the way. I was worried she was going to die in the car. They rushed her back into the OR as soon as I got there and only told me she was in shock. Eventually I had to leave to go to work. At work I got a call telling me she was bleeding internally and they didn’t know why, but they had done everything they could and I needed to come get her and take her to a bigger animal hospital an hour away. The day only got harder from there. At the animal hospital they took her to the doggy ICU then told us they would need a very large sum of money for her to stay. Thank God I had enough in my bank account to cover it! She was my baby and she was the best dog ever I would do anything for her! She had to stay there 2 nights before she was stable. Our vets had removed over a pound of cat litter (Tidy Cats) from her stomach and the hospital considered removing her gall bladder but was eventually able to stop the bleeding without doing that, so we actually got much of our money back. The only thing any of the vets could say was that either the cat litter poisoned her, or she also got into something poisonous. I agree with House M.D. in that I don’t like coincidences and I’m going to assume it was the cat litter. Josie made such a great recovery that most people don’t even believe this story when I tell them, and we have since switched to all natural cat litter and I highly suggest everyone else does the same!

Josie, Waldo (RIP), and Cedric (my mom’s dog).

 

Since Mark was born, Josie has become second in our life but she’s put up with it well. She (mostly) respects Mark as above her in the pack and puts up well with him beating on her (Yes, I do stop it as quick as possible). The first 6 months Mark was alive (and the month before) she was kicked out of our bed because we planned on co-sleeping. Once mark was bigger though we allowed her back in and now she happily shares space with him.

Mark and Josie sleeping on me.

Mark and Josie sleeping by my legs.

Mark and Josie sleeping in my armpit.

Josie is the best dog anyone could ever ask for. I never thought I could love a little dog this much but I do. Oh! And after having her a little while we realized that if she has any corgi in her its very minimal. We believe she has Chihuahua, jack russel, and pug in her. Heres a few more cute pictures from the last 4 wonderful years.

Showing off her fantastic athletic abilities running in the yard.

Josie my shadow sitting with me at the kitchen counter.

Josie jumping for beer!

“Aren’t you proud of me!?”

Potty “Training”, Round Two!

Today is our “restart” to potty training. We did E.C. for a long time, but when we had to take a very quick unplanned trip to Portland (thinking we were going to buy a house) our E.C. kind of ended. We were forced to use disposable diapers for travel and had little time for toddler potty stops. We did do very very limited diaper free time and used some cloth diapers at the hotel. After that it was only 3 weeks till we were going to vegas for a week knowing EC would be hard on that trip and that Mark was very much resisting going potty we just decided to take a break. He was diapered (in cloth) all the time.

On our trip to vegas our luggage got lost and our half a dozen cloth diapers I packed got lost too, so we were stuck in disposables the whole trip, between that and Mark getting a nasty virus he didn’t use the potty at all.

Now we are back and settled and I’m all over the potty and so is Mark! He gladly tells me when he poops (not every time) and he isn’t resisting our trips to the potty! Every time we take him he tries to go potty and occasionally he is telling us when he needs to go. Last night I got home and asked him “Do you need to go potty?” and he responded with “Poo poo!” I took him and he went! Totally awesome. My plan is for the next week to stay home a lot and keep him pants free inside and use non-waterproof trainers (from hanna anderson) when he’s outside. Today he is 20 months old and we are starting fresh and hoping to be done with diapers by the time he is 2!

A Closer Look: Our playroom Spring 2012

I recently did a major overhaul on our playroom. Mark seemed to get lost in there and only play with the toys he could see, so I went with a “Less is More” attitude. I also went with a Montessori feel. Its not a 100% Montessori room, but it has that kind of feel with child sized furniture, open shelving and having many toys with a purpose.

Here is a look at what is on our shelves this spring.

First is one of the few “Homemade” activities. This is a sorting activity that helps develop fine motor skills and develop the grip they need for writing. This is both a pre-writing activity and a math activity. Mark mostly has taken the pom-poms and transfered them one by one to other places in the room then back to the bowl. Only once did he want to put them in the ice tray.

Sorting Activity

This is the inside of our food basket. Before we had a huge bin of food out and Mark would just dump the food out and walk away. I decided to par the food down to a smaller amount, both Mark and his cousin Vincent have enjoyed playing with this smaller amount of food. In the basket are 2 plates, 2 forks, a cutting board and knife, 1 “cutting apple”, and several meat items.

Food Basket

On these two shelves we have our “Big Cars” even though one is lion on wheels! We have a lot of bigger wheeled items so I rotate them making sure I always have at least 2 out so the boys don’t fight as much!

“Cars”

This is one of our old bins I didn’t change at all, a bunch of small animals.

Small Animals

Here is our bin full of Bugs, this is a favorite right now!

Bugs

I rotate one big music toy at a time in the playroom, right now this great garage sale find is out.

Piano

Our bin full of small-medium sized cars. This one is also a favorite. We have another bin of cars that is even more full than this, one of the two is always out.

Cars

 

This is a great one! A peg pounder, working that hand eye coordination!

Peg Pounder

This one is MY old build-a-bear I made long before Mark was born! I believe I made it before I was even married! But now he’s interested in changing clothes so I pulled it out and put the dog and all the accessories in one bin. He needs help getting the clothes on and off but he loves zooming the dog around on the skateboard.

Build-a-Bear … er… dog.

 

This is our newest toy a wooden shape sorter with an easily removable lid that I found at a resale store. This was a great find!

Shape Sorter

 

Not shown above is our bin of wooden blocks that always stays out, our book, and our shelves of art supplies. Currently out are crayons, paper, a coloring book, and stickers! Below is a picture of the whole shelf. On the top of the shelves left to right are: extra books, a plastic ring stacker, a puzzel, a wooden stacker/sorter, Mark’s “treasure box”, binoculars (in the red case), speakers, and a lamp.

 

Overview of our shelves.

Going to Class

Today we tried out a free trial toddler tumbling class. I had mixed feelings. I knew this would either be great or it would be disaster.

As we walked in Mark wanted to run off and play like he does for open gym. I had to stop him. This was not a good start to our class. The teacher said Hi to Mark and then invited the group of 4 toddlers aged 1-2.5 to follow her and find a spot on the floor (there were literal spots on the floor). The other 3 followed and quickly picked out a color. Mark looked right at her and said “No!” and ran to the foam pit! Once again I had mixed feelings. Part of me was so proud. He was interested in something else and wasn’t going to let some random lady he never met tell him what to do. But I was also embarrassed to be “That mom” with “That kid.”

I pointed out the circles on the floor to him and he was a little more interested. First they sang a song and he just stood off a little ways watching. Then they did a few minutes of stretching, which luckily  was (thanks to Tae Kwon Do) something I could do. So I sat him in my lap while I did the stretches. Eventually he did grab his toes, and he liked doing the butterflies. But toddlers don’t naturally put their legs straight out in front of them and Mark wasn’t going to have any part of that.

Next they headed to the bars, where she explained 4 different stations and basically in a kind way told me to make my kid do it. “Mom, help Mark grab the bars.” My kid was saying “No” and I wasn’t going to just ignore that. I did my best using the little animals she had out to make the bars interesting. It worked and he grabbed on a few times, but mostly just wanted to run away. I ended up just holding him most of the time.

Next was the tumble track. What a surprise,  he didn’t want to do it! He wanted to jump on the trampoline and guess what, he was ACTUALLY jumping! He’s never done that! And the teacher says “Mom, help Mark come over here and learn” I just wanted to look at her and shout “Damnit he is learning!!!” But I didn’t. I just picked him up and held him so he wouldn’t encourage the rest of the class to think for themselves. At this point I whispered in his ear “I’m so sorry buddy. Just try and hold still a little longer, I won’t make you ever come back.”

Eventually he did want to do the tumble track, but he just wanted to run down it and there were all these structured things she wanted them to do and she grabbed him and forced him to put his feet in a hoop on the ground while she said “inside” and then told me “He’s learning inside and outside” and I just nodded while I thought, “No he isn’t, he’s learning not to trust you.”

After that she FINALLY let them go in the foam pit! Mark was so happy! Then she announced “One minute to explore the squishy!”  Seriously, you finally let him do what he wants and you are going to drag him out after 1 minute?? Well after that she blew bubbles so it was pretty easy to get him out. At least the bubbles were timed well. But then she quickly put them away and all the kids seemed confused (one even found the bubbles and took them and was ridiculed for it, I thought it was pretty smart). Once again as soon as they all liked and got involved in something she stopped it.

Next was the little obstacle course that the other kids seemed to really like, but Mark was only mildly interested in. He did like doing the balance beam and was surprising good at it! After that came the best quote of the class, “Now time for 5 minutes of creative free play learning!” I could only chuckle at that statement. Basically she should have said, “I’m going to stop hindering you from learning now!”

Mark ran right to the trampoline he wanted to go on the whole time and jumped the whole 5 minutes away! Then the weirdest part happened. She took out a box and shook it and all the little kids (except Mark) came running. It was like trained dogs, I wanted to hurl. I let him keep jumping a little longer so I could see what was in the box before I took him over. I was worried it would be candy or fruit snacks or something. It was hand stamps and she was stamping the kids feet and hands, so I took Mark over where he reluctantly got a cow stamped on his hand then realized what it was and wanted his other hand done! The teacher asked for a high five and he high fived the stamp box!

I wished so bad I could let him play a few minutes more but we had to pack up and leave. I stopped by the front desk to tell them the class was way too structured and we would not be joining and got out of there.

A Quick Response To, “Why I Mock “Attachment Parenting” and the Kids It Produces”

Today Reason Magazine (Who in general I respect) posted an article by Kennedy that I disagree with on many levels, but agree with on one.  Here is the link to the original: http://reason.com/archives/2012/04/29/why-i-mock-attachment-parenting-and-the

First of all, Kennedy, does not have a real grasp on Attachment Parenting or its roots. The term “Attachment Parenting” was coined by Dr. William Sears and he most often defines it at the “7 B’s.” Birth bonding, breastfeeding, babywearing, bedding close to baby, belief in the value of your baby’s cry, beware of baby trainers, and balance. He goes on to say how its an approach to parenting and not strict rules.

This means you can attachment parent without co-sleeping, I have many friends that do. Also it means you can attachment parent with out breastfeeding. This article seems to think that attachment parents a simply defined by co-sleeping (that and being assholes) this is just not true. Period. Besides that, co-sleeping is a wonderful option for many families, and when done following a few simple guidelines has been proven to have lower rates of SIDS than following all the rules for crib sleeping.

Next, what the heck is wrong with feeding your child what you choose!? My child is one of those poor “imaginary invalids.” Last time he drank straight milk he vomited for hours. It was one of the worst days of my life and surly the worst of his. But here’s where somehow I can manage to do the impossible, be an attachment parent (what food allergies have to do with attachment parenting, I have NO IDEA) and a libertarian all at once! I don’t “take the rest of the class or school hostage” I don’t force other groups to eat wheat and dairy free like my son. I let people know his dietary restrictions so they aren’t offended when I take away cheesy potatoes from him (they aren’t the ones who will be up with a gassy toddler all night), but I never ever make or suggest that events he is a part of be entirely made of foods he can eat. That’s crazy. I just BE A PARENT. I watch what he eats, and don’t let him eat the stuff he shouldn’t! WHOA! I know, crazy right?

Next, continuing on the subject of food. I avoid (and also help my family avoid) eating crap. How is taking responsibility for my health and my families heathy by avoiding things like high fructose corn syrup and GMO’s and food that is generally terrible for you a problem? I also see this as incredibly libertarian. One, I’m taking responsibility for myself, not eating myself to death then whining when I’m sick and dying. Two, I’m voting with my dollar. I’m choosing to buy local and organic and healthy, because that’s what I support. Three, I’m costing the tax payers less money by being a healthy able-bodied person who doesn’t need welfare, workmen’s comp, or any government money to help pay for my diabetes supplies!

I understand why someone would be upset if someone was a jerk about their decisions about what to  put in their body. Its not anyone’s job to tell anyone else what to eat. Period. Seeing that the author lives in L.A. I can see why they think this is a huge issue let me just say, the whole country isn’t like that. Pretty much just L.A. Also, being a jerk doesn’t render your entire parenting and political philosophy stupid. Some people are just jerks.

The sharing thing… I 100% agree with that a person has personal and property rights and if a child doesn’t want to share they shouldn’t be forced to. Why this idea is incompatible with attachement parenting (the idea that you should listen and respond to your child’s needs) is beyond me. I have no idea what the issue is here. I attachment parent and enforce this rule everyday. I still teach my son and nephew (or at least try) that its kind and loving to share, and that the older kids should do their best to respect and care for the younger kids. But if one has a toy that is THIER TOY, and another kid tries to take it by force I don’t allow it. That’s generally where I step in in the affairs of young children when one uses force on another. Besides that I back off and let them be kids (another idea that’s totally in line with attachment parenting).

The last issue in the article is a rant about those who want to get rid of awards in sport and for other achievements. I’ve personally never even seen this as an attachement parenting issue, but I can see how it could be. What I say is, be a libertarian and don’t put your child in a program where that is happening if you don’t like it.  Personally I have no problem with awards for sports and things, I teach kids to kick other kids to win gold medals and big trophies. In the world of sports only rarely does this system backfire. As I’m doing more research into education I’m finding that traditional grading is total garbage and means little to nothing anyway, so I say do away with it. But if you don’t like that send your kid to a different school, or better yet, really stick it to the government and be a true libertarian, homeschool.

I do agree with the LAST point made in the blog,

“In the future, when the parenting collective insists on nut free zones, scoreless athletics, and holiday-free childhoods, do the one thing that might run counter to your lone wolf individualism: Start a coalition! Beneath sensible button-ups and shift dresses you might be surprised to find an analytical army of rugged individuals ready to wage war against groupthinking nut haters everywhere.”

This is libertaian, if you have a problem DO SOMETHING. But if doing something means writing an “article” bashing something that you know nothing about maybe you should try something else.

Finally I want to comment on “Free-Range Parenting” as it was discussed at length in the comments of the article. Free Range parenting is not letting your kids run around doing whatever they want. It’s actually one of the most libertarian parenting philosophies ever, its also totally compatible with attachment parenting. I think they  go hand in hand very well. The idea of free range is that your child is a responsible human being who is capable of doing things on their own. They don’t need constant supervision to do something they know how to do and is relatively safe! It’s part letting kids be kids and part reality check. Its realizing there is not a kidnapper around every corner and its actually safe to let your kid explore the neighborhood! Check out the blog, freerangekids.com for tons of info on free-range parenting.

Finally I  want to say, that doing research and taking responsibility as a parent is libertarian no matter how that manifests itself in your parenting style. Most often I’ve found that attachement parents are some of the few parents I meet who are actually educated about children and parenting. If I ask a non-attachment parent a “Why?” about parenting, rarely can they give me an answer they thought up themselves. Most often its “My Dr. told me to.” That’s a cop-out. It is. Doctors aren’t parenting experts, some aren’t even health experts! Doing your own research, thinking for yourself, and being responsible for your decisions (including bringing a child into the world) is libertarian, and that’s what attachment parents are doing.

Sorry I don’t have time to edit this. I have to pack for the Libertarian National Convention, I leave in just over 24 hours. I will be busy attachment parenting and being a libertarian at the national convention. Kennedy, if you go, be sure to find me and say “Hi”.

Babywearing, one of the "7 Bs" of attachment parenting.